Holy crap, so I slept with a guy that was undetectable. I assumed that meant he was negative. Turns out he is actually positive but has an undetectable load which means that his virus count is so low that it undetectable. We fuck once with a condom and another time without, but he didn’t cum in me. So now there is a chance I might have HIV. I’m scared shitless. Even though the chances of me getting it is very low I still have to wait to see if I have it.
I just don’t know how my life would be like if I did get the virus. I feel like there is such a stigma behind it, which there should, but the guy I slept seemed completely normal. He says he just pops some pills everyday and that keeps him undetectable and living his life like normal. But I feel like that becomes such a huge expensive burden. I just really hope I turn out negative the next time I test. I know if I test right now, it will show negative. I know I have to wait a week or two to get tested again in order for the virus to show (if I have it, hopefully not). But I feel like now I’m going to live my life in fear that I have it. Because it might now show in a week or so, it might not show in a month or two. The safest bet would to wait 3-6 months to get tested to see if I got the virus.
So now I play the waiting game. Just the waiting and suspense is eating me up inside. I feel like I need to brace myself and start researching how my life might be like if I were positive. I feel like it would be this huge secret I have to keep from everyone or else I’ll be outcasted. People will view me as one ticking time bomb ready to drop dead any second. It would limit who will want to date me or be with me because the other person will have the fear of getting infected and I would feel horrible for spreading it around.
Ugh.. this is what I get for being so careless and submissive. I swear if I am still negative I’m going strap on a condom on everyone’s dick, ask for everyone’s status, and never go bare again unless it’s with my partner. I guess I’ll be more conscious about my sexual encounters now and who I sleep with and I’m not going to be having sex for a while.. :’( It was getting in the way of my workouts anyways. I’d rather have a 6-pack than risk getting HIV anyday.
I haven’t posted anything in a while and saw that my last post was when I was beginning my new workout routine/life style change. Since then I have lost about 17lbs and have been fluctuating the low 180’s and high 180’s. I lost a lot of body fat, but my goal is to be under 10% by the end of May or June (I should see where I’m at now, last time I check I was at 16% but I think I was really at 18% cause I measured after a workout). Overall, I’m pretty happy with my results, but I know I can’t rest on being content because knowing me, I’ll start to binge on sugar since I stopped eating carbs :(. I know I just have to keep going until I hit my next goal and then the goal after that and so on.
But I really wanted to post this to say good job Andrew. You’ve come along way. From being this overweight guy that thought he wasn’t meant to be fit and slender to an almost sexy stud.
Keep at it and don’t get distracted like last time. Cause you know how that turned out.. NOT WORTH IT!!
The time they posed for their single cover and made Michelle stand right under the words “Nasty Girl”… (Coincidence…or not?)